It all Ends

It's quite appropriate that the tagline for the last Harry Potter movie is "It all ends". For that is where it all ends for me and Jill. As I've said before Jill has shown little intrest in being friends and no intrest at all in remembering me or what we had together. Jill had agreed last year to see the last Harry Potter movies with me and I know there is no reason past that for her to ever see me again. Knowing this I decided that It was time to say goodbye. I knew I had to do it in person. I knew I had to look in her eyes hold her hands and say goodbye. I also knew that doing so would rip my heart out.

So it happened last Wednesday. We met for a bite to eat at Taco Bell before heading to the theater. Again it was like nothing had ever happened between us, like she hadn't left me. The second I sat down we were back to laughing, joking and smiling as we always did. Maybe that's why it hurts so much...that nothing every really did happen between us. We were seemingly happy one day. She was gone and I was destroyed the next. We chatted a bit. She has a new boyfriend and big surprise her old one got another girl pregnant while they were dating. I'm scared to think it, but sooner or later she will find one that will end up beating the hell out of her. She only seems attracted to those that treat women like crap. Makes me wonder why she ever was with me anyway? Did she think I was like that? Or was I just a convenience.

After dinner we headed to the theater. Walking in it felt so strange to be next to her but not to hold her hand or touch her back. Waiting for the movie to start I marveled at how beautiful I still thought she was her long hair and pretty smile. As badly as she hurt me I still loved her and I always will.

Once the movie was over as she was ready to get in her car I asked here to wait. I held her hand and lost it. I started balling like a baby as I told her I knew she didn't want to remember me or us and that I knew we would probably never meet again. I told her I loved her and always would. I couldn't get out all the words I had wanted to say but I got out the one word I needed. I said goodbye, hugged her and walked away. I cried all the way home. It tore me apart but I knew I had to do it. I suppose just like Harry I needed to die before I could live again.